Maybe it's ok...

There is an ache in my heart. A restlessness in my soul. I really only acknowledge it when I am still and life is quiet. Therefore, most times I can totally ignore it...

But in those still and quiet times it gnaws at me. I'm unsettled. To be honest, I'm in a state of malcontent.

I am blessed beyond measure. And truly don't have any reason to complain.

But I do not feel at home. We are not settled here. There are many things that are not as we expected. And putting down roots is a lengthy process. So, the ache and restlessness remain.

And I struggle with it. I struggle because unlike Paul, I have clearly not learned what it is like to be content in any situation. And because of that I feel guilty, and recognize my sin of ungratefulness.

Tonight a different thought occurred to me. The thought that perhaps this unsettledness is ok. Maybe it's even good. To think that this feeling is good is difficult to accept because it hurts. How could this discomfort and uneasiness be good? It is my understanding that this world, and more specifically my time on it, is quickly passing. So there is supposed to be a restlessness about my soul and longing for my true and lasting home in heaven. Often however, I am quite content with this life and where I am in it. So perhaps this time will pass and I will once again become comfortable and "at home" in my new locale. But perhaps the Lord is reigniting that part of my soul that understands this life is temporary and I am to long for my real home beyond. Maybe one additional reason for the move...