The light inside

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

The other side of the veil: A post for my sister podiatry (or any other medical specialty) widows

This post is directed at all of those women whom I love and with whom I share the common bond of what we jokingly refer to as "medical widowhood." I realize in meeting more people and talking to some of you that this is not a condition that is exclusive to the medical community. So, to all out there who share in losing your spouse part of the time to their dedication to work welcome.
Here I sit on "the other side." My husband is finally a "real" doctor. He is making "real" doctor money. He no longer works the insane hours of residency. He isn't constantly studying for an upcoming exam or answering a pager. He isn't spending his few hours at home texting or chatting with someone about who they have to see, where he needs to be tomorrow or other plans he may need to make. He is actually home for dinner (most nights) and isn't falling asleep faster than the children in the evenings. I actually have the ability to call him during the day and not worry he will get yelled at for having a life outside of work. He rarely works on the weekends.
All of that is wonderful, and yet....
Wait, what? There is a yet? a but? a caveat? How can that be? Just look at that list! Things are SO much better now. It's true, things are better. It's also true however that there is still a but.

The but is this: There was no magic. My life didn't magically improve just because we've crossed over this perceived threshold.

You may have just said *DUH* Or maybe you just swore at me in your head. That's okay. I probably would have said the same to you one year ago.
And yet here I sit and this new life: Life in the "beyond" didn't meet my expectations.

Sure I don't constantly worry about paying the bills, and I have time to chat with my spouse. But things aren't ideal. We have moved so often and adjusted to so many different situations that I thought we would just roll through these transitions. Why wouldn't we? Look at all the things that are better.
I guess that is the problem, we haven't rolled through the transitions. Things have been difficult at work and at home. We haven't sailed smoothly through this move and new job. I am sure we will get to the point where we are settled and things are going smoothly, but it wasn't instantaneous.
I'm sure there is still much to be learned on this ride, and insight from someone further down the road would be helpful. Alas, I am where I am and can't speak for time beyond this. But to those of you who are in the mix with me, know you're not alone. And to those who have yet to come my "side" please know I love you and things may not work out like you anticipate. I hope this is some help to someone.