The light inside

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Baby Comparison

Caleb (6 weeks)
Elizabeth (4 weeks)

I know I said that I wasn't going to post photos of my kids on here, but I am going to make an exception. I wanted to post a comparison photo of the kids in the same outfit (and I doubt that anyone I don't know will recognize my kids from these photos).

I thought they were taken at the same age, but after looking back through the photos Elizabeth is only 4 weeks, while Caleb is 6. These photos may not do it justice, but other than the hair and the double chin they look very similar. Caleb makes a lot of the same faces that Elizabeth did, and everybody always says they look like their daddy. :)


Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Day of Celebration and Thanks

* I intended to finish and post this yesterday 12/12/06, but I did not see my computer at all, so here it is one day late*

You are officially invited to share in the joy of this day with me!!!

Today is a great day. Today I celebrate life, specifically my life. I celebrate modern medicine. I celebrate waking up in my own bed. Today I celebrate the changes this year has brought me. New friends, wonderful memories, and a beautiful new child.

Today is an anniversary for me. God saved my life one year ago today. One year ago I awoke in a bed in Mercy hospital. Many of you will know this story, so I will try not to drag it out.

Last year I got very sick, thought it was a stomach virus, had intense pain and was convinced by family and friends to go to the ER. I ended up having emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. I had lost the baby, and also ended up losing my right fallopian tube. I had to be given two pints of blood in the morning when I came to. It was a scary night, and the worst was that Justin was flying home from London, where he had been visiting his brother Brian at Oxford.

But now a year later I am so grateful for my life and everything that night brought to me. While I was so sad to lose that baby, all I have to do is look in the other room, at beautiful Caleb, and realize that without this loss I could not have had him.

So this post is to celebrate my life, this event, and all those that while difficult shape us into who we are. But it is also to thank those people who brought me through that day. (Not that most of you will probably ever read this blog...)

Thank you to:
Betsy: For trying to take care of Elizabeth, even when she wouldn't let you.

Kyle and Krista: For entertaining my child all through the day and staying the night with her when I couldn't. For encouraging me to go to the hospital and then being my ride. I could not have made it without you.

Sarah: For coming to the hospital in the middle of the night, to pray with me and hold my hand before I went in to surgery. And then staying around so someone would be there when I woke up. And finally after that long night for going to my house and taking Elizabeth all day and bringing her up to see me, so she would know I was okay.

Mom: Thanks for hoping on a plane the first moment you could and coming to take care of us. We couldn't have survived that week without you. And thanks for the talk on the couch, where I could cry and mourn and not be alone. I love you.

Allison: For being my first visitor at the hospital, watching The View with me, and then taking me in as your friend from that moment on.

Tim & Cathy: For all the long distance phone calls trying to reach Justin, and getting him the news. For the flowers and prayers.

Justin: For praying constantly on the flight on the way home, and for calling me as soon as you landed. For cleaning up the disaster that had become our house. And for spending almost my entire hospital stay with me, even though you were in the midst of finals.

Renee': For words that you said years ago that brought me strength and comfort in a time of deep grief. I clung to those words then, and see the truth of them now.

For all of you who prayed for me. I love you all. Thanks for making my life what it is.

Saturday, December 09, 2006


I am a sinner. I realize that isn't a grand revelation, but it is something I don't often admit to myself, much less publicize to the world. This Wednesday night at church I was really convicted of ways that I have been sinning against God. It was pretty sobering. I perfer to think of my self as a pretty good Christian, and not really focus on where I'm failing. But this week I just couldn't sweep it under the rug any more.

But isn't it great to know that as soon as I have confessed these sins to God, and asked him to forgive me that he does!! How freeing it is to not have to walk around feeling guilty about this, or wondering how God feels about me. As far as the East is from the West... Thank you Lord for your cleansing blood!

-We had a family victory last night, Caleb slept all night from 12-7:30!

Labels: ,

Monday, December 04, 2006

My different delivery

Warning! This post may be more graphic than you desire to read. Especially if you are one of my single guy friends from college. It involves baby delivery details... I will not take it too far, but just be forewarned.
I wrote on this blog the day Caleb was born that his delivery was much different than Elizabeth's and I would give more details later. Well the time has come.
Here is the background. Elizabeth was born 7 days late. I went into labor on my own. Vomited for hours, then went to the hospital convinced they would send me home only to find I was dilated to a 7. Then I was at the hospital for an hour. Got my epidural at an 8, and delivered Elizabeth about 3 1/2 hours later at 8:40 am.
Caleb was due on November 3rd. My doctors this time told me they wouldn't make me go a whole week late. My due date was a Friday, and they don't induce on Fridays, so my doctor called and got me on the list to be induced the Wednesday before I was due. We leisurely strolled into the hospital at 7:30am. By 8:30 am I was hooked up to an IV and receiving oxytocin. Not much happened for about 3 hours. I had some contractions but nothing too bad. They were not as bad as I remembered from last time.
At 11:30 my doctor came in to break my water. This was not a pleasant experience. I had my epidural before they did it with E, so I did not feel it. The doctor checked me and I was at a 4 (I came in at a 3), he told me not to wait too long for my epidural, and joked with me that I didn't look very uncomfortable. My nurse called for the anesthesiologist, and I was in line for my epidural. We called my mom and told her that she should probably start back toward the hospital. (She was at home with my Dad and Elizabeth) Within about 10-15 minutes my contractions were strong and often. I told my nurse that these were more like I remembered, and Justin took his place at my side so I could hold his hand. The contractions continued like that for another 10-15 minutes, and my nurse commented that they would probably need to turn down my medicine if my contractions stayed on top of each other like they were. I then told my nurse that I would not be sad when the anesthesiologist came because I was hurting. I also casually mentioned that I knew things were changing because I really felt like I needed to go to the bathroom.
I said that, and it was as if a little light bulb came on over her head... She immediately stopped what she was doing and said, "hmmm... Well let me just check you." She walked over and checked me and said, " Oh yeah your at an 8..." WHAT???!!!!!????
I'll be honest and say that I can't remember all of the details at this point. Basically it went like this: I was informed that I would not be getting an epidural. I could not believe my ears. Justin asked me what he could do, and I told him I needed an epidural. I made him ask again, and we were told that I was just progressing too fast and there would be no time for the epidural. I was crying, and asked if they could give me anything for the pain. I was told that there was nothing they could give me now, because it would effect Caleb.
Within 10 minutes I was having to pant, so that I wouldn't push (which is EXTREMELY difficult) while we waited for the doctor to get to my room. Justin said that he has never seen a physician scrub in so fast. I pushed for about 10 minutes, and he was here! It was just under an hour between breaking my water and Caleb being born. That is totally crazy!
Before he came I had thought to myself that it would be nice if my water just broke so I would know I was in labor for sure. Thank you God that you know better than I do! We wouldn't have made it to the hospital on time!
I hope that wasn't too much detail for anyone. :)

Labels: , ,

Friday, December 01, 2006

Wit and Wisdom

I have decided to keep a running tab of the great things Elizabeth (my 3 year old) says... She is just too funny!

Yesterday as I was closing her door as she went down for a nap, she said "I can't nap."
When I asked her why she couldn't nap she said.
"My elbow itches, so I can't sleep."

Perfectly logical to a 3 year old, but beyond me...


Missed ministry

I think I totally missed a ministry opportunity. I just totally blew it.
I was waiting for an appointment, and as I sat there the lady next to me started talking, and just opened up. It turns out she is out of work, and can't seem to find a job. She has a 2 year old kid, and the only job she can find is a night job, which won't work. Her husband doesn't want her to stay home with their kid. And she is in a really tight spot financially. I listened and made small talk with her, but didn't get really involved.
It didn't even occur to me until it was all over and I had left after my appointment that there was SO much more I could have done! I could have listened to her much more intently, been so much more compassionate and empathetic. I could have prayed with her about finding a job, or at least asked her name, and told her I would have been praying for her.
Why didn't I? Why didn't it occur to me until later?? Why was I so self-conscious and awkward that I couldn't get beyond my own feelings and really focus on this woman so desperately in need??
Did I just completely ignore the spirit moving in me?? If so, can it ever be effective in my life? Maybe I am reading too much into this, but I don't think so.
I don't know her name, but please say a prayer for Appointment Lady. And pray that God will somehow be able to reach her for His glory.

Labels: ,