The light inside

Friday, June 29, 2007

My thoughts...

Thanks to everyone who commented with their thoughts. I think I will be borrowing some of your thoughts this weekend. I usually flip flop between two scenarios. So here is what I typically think about...

The bread: Since the bread is Christ's body I picture my own body laying on an altar. I typically then pray and give my body and my life over into God's hands. I pray that he would be able to use my body and my life just the way he would if I were Jesus. I pray that I would touch people like Jesus and see people like Jesus. I pray that my whole body and life would be given over to Him for His will, and His glory.

The cup: When I take the cup and the drink the juice that represents his blood I typically use it as a time to think about my sinfulness. I take this time to examine my heart. I picture it as the hard black stone that is lifeless within me. I confess to the Lord the ways I know I have failed him, and the things that I have done to separate myself from His presence. I pray that His blood, which is the only thing that can cleanse me, will pour over my heart and make it new. Then I picture His blood hitting my rock heart and the pieces of rock and darkness shattering off of it like an explosion. I picture the Christ's blood once again starting my heart and pumping throughout my body so that I can be used for His goodness. I allow myself to be washed clean in the pouring flood of His blood, and soak in the peace that comes with knowing that I am clean and pure before the Lord. And that once again I feel the freedom and peace that comes with knowing I stand purified before my God.
I have to say that this is an especially powerful image for me when I am pregnant and nursing, because I pray and imagine that a taste of the blood and body of Christ will flow through me to my children and that they will begin, even in the womb, to have a hunger and thirst for the salvation of Christ in their lives.

This is the other scenario I think of is:
I imagine myself walking into this amazing banquet room. There is a table that stretches as far as the eye can see. It is elegantly set and filled with tons of food. I see the food and realize that I am starving. I approach the table and notice that every place is set and has a name. In the midst of all of this I look down at myself and I realize that I am filthy. I am dirty from head to toe and I am dressed in rags. I realize that I am an orphan and I don't belong here. I am not worthy of being here and I suddenly feel tiny. But then I look back at the table and the place card on the plate has my name on it. I realize that I belong here and a place has been saved for me. I feel amazing. Words can't express the relief, joy and peace that comes over me as I take my place at the table. I sit and as I look down the table I see people from all over the world joining me in this feast. And then I eat and feel truly full for the first time. And when I drink I look down, and I am no longer dirty, but clean and in a new sparkling white outfit. I relax and realize what an amazing experience I am having.

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Monday, June 25, 2007

Communion Thoughts

I was thinking yesterday that I get kind of stuck in a rut with my thoughts during communion (The Lord's Supper, etc.), and I wondered what do you think about?
I usually have a predominant mental image that I try to focus on, and prayers I typically say. Mine also tend to go through cycles. I will have a certain picture or image for a while and then it will change and be the same for a while, and then change again. Is anyone else like this?
I realize that this is a very personal topic, but I would love to know what you think about or what you do. How do you focus on Jesus and his sacrifice? I'll share my current scenario later, but tell me about you...

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Da..Da.. Da.. Donk! PVS kids!

Elizabeth is attending VBS (vacation bible school) this week at Grammi & Pawpa's church. I told her what it was on Sunday, and then got her ready for it on Monday morning. She then started singing the PBS kids jingle that I wrote in the title. It took me until she came home at lunch to understand why. She was telling Justin's mom all about it, when she said "I got to go to PVS kids this morning!!!" She hasn't been old enough for VBS in the past, and I guess the two acronyms being so close, she just assumed they were the same thing. Needless to say it's been a hilarious few days.
I was nervous she might have a hard time, since we just got here and she doesn't know anyone, but she has done great and always has something new to show me everyday. Monday she had memorized a verse, and yesterday she learned part of a song and some dance motions to go with it. She walked around all day singing "Everybody let's prai-ai-ai-ai-aise the Lord, Everybody let's prai-ai-ai-ai-aise the Lord!" It is terrific.
Well, we've been in Colorado for a week officially now, and I think we are kind of getting settled. I finally feel like I have most of the paperwork and moving stuff behind me. Caleb is still having trouble sleeping and getting back into his routine, but he's getting better and he's still happy about everything. Then again all of this may just be that I think he is on the verge of his first tooth. So, we'll see...
Justin is over halfway through his first externship, and it is going well. I think he has learned a lot not only about podiatry, but also about what this year and the next three may look like. We'll just have to see...

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

My 4 Heroes

This post is dedicated to Allison, Debbi, Sarah and Susan.

These are four incredible women. Four women who taught me last week what it means to be a true friend. Four women who helped me in ways I did not even know I would need. Thank you to the four of you for realizing before I even did that I am not superwoman, and I needed help. Thanks for hours watching my kids, and giving me peace knowing I didn't have to worry. Thanks for hours of cleaning and late nights together. Thanks for wonderful encouraging words, and long embraces as we said good-bye. Thanks for fighting back the tears with me and telling me it was going to be okay. Thanks for everything. I cannot imagine my life without you, and every time I think about facing this year without you I can't believe it's going to happen. My life is better and blessed because you have been in it. It is my prayer that God will bless you the way you have blessed me.

I'm in TX now running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get things done and feel a little settled. I don't know when that feeling will come.

I was reading last night and was very encouraged when I ran across this verse in Joshua... "Be strong and courageous, Do not be terrifies; don not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9b

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